Welcome!

On August 6th, 2019 I entered an Addiction Treatment and Rehabilitation Center, just 10 day's before my 29th birthday. I had reached a point in my life where I was completely out of control. I had lost myself to drinking, letting it consume every aspect of my life not caring who it affected, even those I loved most. 

I spent 28 days in a place that was completely strange to me. It was the hardest and scariest decision I have ever made it my life and I hope I never have to make one as hard ever again. To say it was an eye-opening experience would be an understatement. I met people from all walks of life, dealing with all different types of struggles but we all had the same thing in common - Addiction.

They say Addiction is a feelings disease, because people like us don't actually know how to handle our feelings; how to cope with and process them in healthy ways. I dealt with mine by drowning them in alcohol and temporarily ignoring them, thinking they would go away on their own. But along with a drinking problem, I also suffer from depression, anxiety and rage issues, so most of my drunken nights included manic episodes where I would either black out and become violent or crumble into a pile of tears or a combination of both, neither was pretty. 

Rehab helped me learn a lot about myself, but more importantly it helped me learn a lot about my feelings and identifying the source of my anger. It taught me how to slow down and stop placing unrealistic standards on myself. I've always been so driven to succeed, so desperate to be praised that I overlooked a lot of small accomplishments because they weren't grand enough for me to celebrate. I learned to enjoy the little things in life, to pick my battles, to stop beating myself up and to know when to walk away from people and things that didn't have my best interest at heart.

I'm still a work in progress, I still get upset, I still want to hide from my feelings when it all becomes too much. But now instead of drinking them away, I sit with them. I force myself to feel and I try to understand where it's coming from and where it's going to take me. I stay away from people, places and things that could trigger any relapse and I find solace in creating and sharing my experience with others. There is strength in community and there is comfort in knowing that you're not alone. You can have the life you want, no matter where you've been or what you've done because we do recover and we all deserve happiness.